HitlerCities - Changing your way of thinking
HitlerCities is proud to provide what is claimed to be a 'free' home page and email service at the expense of our members, sitting back on comfy chairs while their sweat & toil brings in advertising money. Please visit one or more of our moneymakers today.

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 Advertising Information

 Please note: This page is intended for advertisers NOT homesteaders. HitlerCities members, a special advertising info page has been provided for you. 

With over 2.5 million unpaid employees writing content for us, HitlerCities is the biggest, most wildly liked by everybody* site on the Web! So you will no doubt want, no, need to advertise here. Our advertising options include several ways to blat your annoying, obtrusive and potentially hazardous advertisement on our servants' unsuspecting little Web sites: 
The AdSquare is our latest and greatest advertising abomination. Click here to see a demonstration of our new AdSquare!!

GeoPlop CrashAds are a nifty way to say "HELLO!" loud and clear to your target audience. They pop up in the user's face and are guaranteed to stay popped up for a while, because if the victim, err, viewer tries to close it before it has fully loaded, their computer will crash and your ad will remain frozen on-screen until they reboot. Don't worry about viewers trying to get around them by turning off their Javascript; anyone without a Java-capable browser will be banned from the hitlercities.com domain until they enable Javascript and begin accepting HitlerCities cookies. 


GeoThornInYourSide banners, 320x468-pixel CASIE standard server-include banners that our servants foolishly think are there to help them (we said they were 'navigation' banners, and those stupid minions believed it! :-o) are a gaudy and annoying way to advertise whatever it is you want to advertise. Several varieties are available for varying fees, including Static (booor-ing!), Mildly Annoying (Animated, 24KB avg.), Hyperactive-Flashing, Hyperactive-Flashing with embedded subliminal message of your choosing, and our most heavily animated "Epileptic's Nightmare". 
Porno Banners
Normally we do not allow porn on member websites. Then we remembered, "Hey, we're HitlerCities and we can do whatever the f--- we want." Since porno pays lots of money, we've put in porno banners anywhere people are likely to click on them, especially on our search engine. Parents, don't worry! Once your children have been shown a porno banner, they'll have to click a link saying they're over 18 to see another one.
Geo Tracker
Each HitlerCities page comes equipped with a tracking device to help the adscripts determine which members make us the most money. Ones that don't bring in enough dosh get kicked out immediately!
The GeoLinkBack is the big ugly thing that says "Hosted By HitlerCities Get Your Free Home Page" or similar at the bottom of every member's page. Once upon a time we actually gave a shit about this, as though the Linkbacks alone would give us lots of money. Now that we have a dozen other systems in place to make us money, the linkbacks aren't needed anymore. But boy did we have fun enforcing them in the olden days!!

Click here to see a live demonstration of our Watermark!

HitlerCities member e-mail address lists

Lists of anywhere from hundreds to millions of members' email addresses are now on sale. They are guaranteed 99% valid email addresses, targeted by interests, hobbies, race, religion, browser version, or socio-economic status. Rates are reasonable; pick up addresses for as little as 15¢ each! You won't find a better deal anywhere! 


HitlerCities is very flexible in spamming its victims with newer and more intrusive and deceptive ads. We are always at work digging up and gathering personal, private information on each of our users and we expect to offer 
explicit targeting by demographic profile (age, income, gender, 
occupation, and marital status) very soon - contact your HitlerCities sales 
rep for availability. Are you thinking of something that isn't on our list? 
We pride ourselves on being extremely responsive to advertiser requests 
- let us know what evil your twisted mind has come up with, and we can do it for you! 

Current devious plans include BannerForms, banners that are disguised as inputs, listboxes and search boxes but are actually advertisements that will whisk the unsuspecting schmuck to your products page!, and the bigger, better CrashAd II that pops up fullscreen and is coded to remove the 'x' Close button (so the viewer has to restart the computer to close them), and bandwidth-gobbling AudioAds embedded in member pages--You don't have to just assault them to their face, now you can yell at them too! 

* As evidenced by counting the number of criticism- or anti-HitlerCities pages on the Web. If you find one, please let us know because that means our GeoStapo and Trademark Enforcers are sleeping on the job, and the offending site's webmaster will have to be strong-armed immediately to get it nuked. If nuking critics' sites sounds like fun, please apply for the fulltime job! 

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