is proud to provide what is claimed to be a 'free' home page and email
service at the expense of our members, sitting back on comfy chairs while
their sweat & toil brings in advertising money. Please visit one or
more of our moneymakers today.
Join Us (heh
Geo Shit List
Featured Neighbor Program
The Featured Neighbor program
is designed so that the most compliant and most productive members of our
content-creation department (e.g. our members) can be determined. With
this information, we can try to eke more 'good content' out of our 'good
creators' while silently letting go of our less productive members or shuffling
them into some dark corner of our neighborhood alleys. Featured Neighbors
get priority placement on our Avenues, in front of all those other
boring old homepages, because hey, they're the Best Of HitlerCities and
will draw in oodles more advertising money than our lower-quality 'standard'
pages. When you become a Featured Neighbor you get:
So, don't you want to try for
A shorter, vanity URL so you're
easier to get to than our standard members, e.g. www.hitlercities.com/~Yourname
instead of www.hitlercities.com/Members/TheirPages/Neighborhoods/Gulags/DeepDarkPit/4281/...
Priority placement on our HitlerAvenues,
so people who inadvertently click too close to our Watermark
are whisked away to your page
More Megabytes! So you can create
more content, you good content creator you!, while preventing our standard
members from getting too creative and watering down our Good Content with
their mediocre spew of pages.
You get to place the Featured
Neighbor logo on your page! That is, as long as it doesn't interfere with
the Watermark, or the HitlerCities link-back, or the GeoThornInYourSide
Great deals on HitlerStuff,
including great T-shirts emblazoned with swastikas and the HitlerCities
logo, 'Featured Neighbor' underwear, keychains, buttons, pins and more...
You get to lord it over your
You get to tell all your friends
you're a Featured Neighbor! Other, non-featured folk who try to do this
will be sued for defamation/trademark infringement/false advertising and
then get a visit from the GeoStapo.
Your site must meet the
following criteria before being considered for our Featured Neighbor Program:
If you would like to be considered
for Featured Neighbor, send a message to one of your neighborhood Teachers
or Content Managers telling them you want to be a Featured Neighbor. They
will review your site, and if it is really good (and other visitors rate
your page well) it will be passed on to the Judging Committee who will
either promote your page to the FNP (if it is really good) or delete it
(if it is really bad). Several criteria are used to choose Featured Neighbors,
mainly your hit-count and the rating visitors have given your page via
the Rating tool that is included on every member's page via their GeoThornInYourSide
You must have a fullsize Watermark
covering the entirety of your page
You must use the HitlerCities
Logo Background as your page's background image
You must include a minimum of
five (5) linkbacks to HitlerCities, not counting your fullscreen GeoThornInYourSide
banner, CrashAds, Waterstain or any other "value-added Service" we spring
You must put in a good word
and several 'plugs' for HitlerCities free pages and services on your pages
You must sign a Non-Criticism
Agreement (NCA) stating that you will never, ever criticize HitlerCities,
even if it is long after we delete you for failing to create any more Good
Content like that which we hired you onto our FNP for, under penalty of
fines, jail time and lawsuits...
You must tell your friends about
how good HitlerCities is and get them to join (a quota will be mailed to
you), and spam newsgroups with similar garbage. Your newsgroup duty will
also include flaming anyone who criticises HitlerCities with that "It is
a free service, jerky! What do you expect for free?!? You have NO right
complaining!" crap, over and over again as many times as it takes to shut
up these critics or at least make it so no one pays attention to them.
You must participate actively
in one of our Neighborhood Watch programs (e.g. Community Cleanser or Trademark
Enforcer) and report noncompliant sites via the Nark Form.
You must have GOOD CONTENT!
Shitty, personal homepages will not be accepted. It must be something
interestingly unique that will attract visitors/advertisers and really
bring home the bacon!
So, prospective Featured
Neighbor, good luck! We hope to see your advert...err, page in the FNP
In closing, we appreciate
your support of HitlerCities and welcome you to the community.
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