| 9:00 AM
This week is Sexual Awareness Week here at GeoCities. Had to sit through a lecture about on-the-job sexual harassment and gender sensitivity. Had lewd fantasy about lecturer. Improved my Sexual Awareness with a few visits to playboy.com. Ended up 'sexually aware', staring at GeoJane while drooling.
Being the Bastard Geo From Hell means having plenty of free time to recover from ogle-induced neck injuries.
Got email from newbie homesteader asking how to change the spacing of text on her homepage. Told her to highlight entire document and use the "Doublespace Each Line" key located directly under 'Insert'.
Got complaint from homesteader about the Watermark, which he referred
to as the 'pissmark'. Acted very polite. After he hung up, printed out
a copy of his homepage on laserjet. Urinated on it. Mailed it back to him
with my compliments.
tHink i had 2 namy bEerz. sErver was tallking ot me in pretty colors. TOld EgoCities I wuz goingg ohme 2 zleep it off. Puked on GeoMark's lasagna. Fell azleep be4ore I could tel him.
Woke up semisober.
Thought I'd do all members a favor by helping them become acquainted with SI units and the metric system. Noticed bits and bytes are *not* metric. Set Geo server disk-quota manager to use the Kelvin scale on all non-paying member accounts. GeoPlus account spaces are being measured in foot-lumens. Disk space in administrative accounts is now reported in milliamps.
Helping newly-hired server tech get acquainted with building. He asked where the server room was. Told him third door on the right. Heard scream. Oops! Silly me. Server room is *fourth* door on the right. Third door is the ladies room.
Server Tech A sent me a memo requesting more milliamps. Happily obliged by electrifying his office doorknob. He got into his office no problem. Drat. Must've been wearing rubber-soled shoes. Oh well, never mind that now. Critics to assassinate.
Got harshly-worded complaint from irate homesteader that a screendump
of the Geo homepage was loading instead of his page. Asked him how much
he paid us for hosting. He said he was on the 'free lunch program' and
hadn't paid diddlysquat.
Being a Bastard Geo From Hell means never having to take s**t off nobody.
Found GeoCities critic out there on the web, actively hurting our profit
margin by exposing the truth about us. Invited him to peaceful swim at
Huntington Beach. Once there made him an offer he couldn't refuse: If he
agreed to cease all criticism of our company and post a retraction on his
site, I'd let him up for air.
Well, actually I *didn't* uphold my end of the bargain.
But he hasn't complained...
Chattered on IRC while I was s'posed to be watching server. Got flamed by some idiot who thinks he's 'all that'. He threatended to winnuke me and asked what my IP address was. Told him it was 127.0.0.1.... haven't heard from him since.
Found fun program called REGEDIT on GeoMark's computer. Played Russian Registry Roulette.
Got caught playing Russian Registry Roulette by GeoMark. He knew because
his computer wouldn't boot. He asked if I made a backup of the registry
first. Asked him what a 'backup' was. Took a nap.
-- Meanwhile, in the journal of the Bastard (ex)Homesteader From Hell...
Ucch! Had a dream --scratch that-- *nightmare* that I was the
head of Geocities. I had a swastika on my arm and was yelling orders in
German to my GeoGestapo.
Actually you know, it would be fun to have ownership of the company, like a beat-up used car. It would be a 'fixer-upper'. Repair and mend all the bonehead company decisions, antihuman policies, PR boobos...If I was CEO for a day, Boy would there be some changes....
1) Hire competent programmers to write ad code that doesn't f*** up