Bohnnett must've gotten to work early today and saw our server room...He was having a real SHIT FIT when I walked in (late as usual) and punched myself in.
"...SO WHAT THE F*** HAPPENED IN OUR SERVER ROOM??!?!?!!!" he was still
"Loundy! Status report! NOW!!" David
"We have lost approximately 60 percent of our server farm, Sir." GeoMark
"You guys were running around shooting at my servers!!" David
Techs, in unison. "We'll get those machines up in three hours flat! No problem at all... "
* * * (36 hours later) * * *
"OK I think we're almost done... It's booting... didn't hang yet....YEAH! It's WORKING! The servers are UP!!" Techs
"I'm very proud of you all. You guys fixed the machines before those palsy advertisers even detected any downtime! We told everybody we'd be up in three hours, but, that's Ok. We're GeoCities." David
"Oh yeah, we control the media, I almost forgot. Say, we can kinda sweep that whole surveillance video thing under the rug, eh?" Techs
"Absolutely. ...Welp, time to fire up the ol' press machine..." GeoMark
"Hello, I'm your host, Mike, for GeoCNN News. Our top story today, GeoCities just announced that it got its entire server farm running in a mere 36 hours, a small fraction of the time the job was expected to take. We met with CEO David Boneheadt today to talk about this amazing turnaround. Dave?" CNN Mike Monkey
"We're really proud of our achievement. After that rogue band of roving
Pygmies trashed our server farm (contrary to a rumour our legal team was
unable to squelch, the farm was *NOT* destroyed by our own techs...that
surveillance video was forged, by the way) damned pygmies... Anyway, we
had the repair pegged at about seven years' downtime." David Boneheadt
"You're right, Mike, this is quite an achievement, we are doing very
well...That's why so many lesser companies look up to us. GeoCities is
truly an inspiration for the huddled masses. What would they do without
our dynamic and innovative Community?" David Boneheadt
"Yes, they all say something like that... 'This page is under investigation', and 'This page has been deleted for violation of our Terms Of Service'. What does this mean, Dave?" CNN Mike Monkey
"Simple, it says that we *have* no critics. This means that *everybody* loves us. You see? No-one else has such overwhelmingly positive feedback...
The Bastard Geo From hell switched off the tele with an annoyed tone. "Overwhelmingly positive...", he grumbled. "Overwhelmingly overpriced, they mean. If they spent half the money on server upgrades they spend on harassing their critics..."
-- (CEO's Office) --
"Splendid performance, Mr. Boneheadt! Our overpaid PR staff are really
putting it over on the public." GeoTJ
-- 5 min. later, in a GeoTJ Instant Conference --
"As you all know, each and every one of you did a mondo-specfabular
job on that server issue. That quick going really saved our hides." GeoTJ
"As a reward, all your wages will be increased from $4.25 an hour to
Someone somewhere in the back, in an extreme moment of incredulity,
forgot to disguise his bedaffled facial expression, forgot about the tele
and the GeoStapo invisibly peering back at him through the two-way glass.
He dared parse his lips and motion, "Hay...Waaaiiiit a minute..."
* * * (Meanwhile, in meeting with BxHFH) * * *
"Hey, I felt like fukn with GC today...Think I'll log in and mess up
their logo. Instead of the big capital 'G' I'll replace it with some ugly
squiggle with a dot on its forehead (symbolizing the Watermark of the Beast
[see Book of Revelations])...then post a message in the GeoForums that
it's Geo's new logo!" Mikesmart, of Bastard Homesteader Strike Force
"So? Geo security is the pits! Proxy-schmoxy, I can get in just fine without proxy..." Mikesmart
"NO don't do that. GeoStapo will get you." BHSF
"Screw that...there's no way the GeoStapo could find someone that fast...you guys are just paranoid. I'm goin' in there nekkid!" Mikesmart
He logged in, scrawled graffiti on the GeoCities logo on index.html,
and logged right back out. "See? I'm still okay..." Then he disconnected
from the BxHFH's server.
Mikesmart was soon aware of a low rumbling sound all around his home.
He had his girlfriend over, and had just logged off the 'Net and engaged
her in a warm embrace. "Nah, don't worry about it. Geo will never find
me." he said.
Instantly Mikesmart was paralyzed with fear. He was at once acutely aware of his present situation. He knew what was happening. No-one, not even himself, had the ability to save him now.
The rumbling grew louder. Mikesmart then realized what he was hearing. It was the stomping of many boots, up, up the stairs to his 12th-floor apartment.
"It came from under the bed." Mikesmart
He was then ordered to stand in the center of the room. His girlfriend
was to remain where she was on his bed, similarly motionless.
"No, Mike. The bulding is surrounded. Don't even think about
trying to escape." Voice
"You've been dead for three months, you just didn't know it yet." Voice