So how did they find them there?
You don't know who. You don't know why. All you know is that
Who The Hell Took My Condoms?
DEG, the Degist leader was in your room today. He knew you had condoms. He was with you when you sneeked out to Walgreens to pick up those...er, Atomic Sour Warheads. He saw you, nervous and sweating, amble up to the grey-haired man working as cashier with your "sandwich"; a pack of blank Maxell tapes and a tin of Altoids concealing a pack of Trojans in the middle...you didn't exactly want to advertise that particular purchase to the rest of the shoppers...Yank a few wrinkled dollar bills out of your wallet and make the transaction with as much chutzpah as was possible for a first-time condom buyer... "Would you like a bag for that?" "Yes, thanks..." DEG begged you to buy some for him, too; he didn't have the guts...then he begged you for just one, just for this weekend... "I'll never ask you for anything ever again, just give me one of your condoms..."
Do you ponder with your hands? Rob ponders with his hands. The same hands he used to swipe your necklace while you weren't paying attention. The same hands that managed to load all your Metallica tapes into his bookbag....thankfully you recovered them by looking through his bags while he was off playing around in your room...probably the exact moment he was grabbing that neck chain...
Okay, not your first guess as the Condom Culprit... You always thought she was the Good Girl, who didn't drink smoke swear...and would never find a use for a condom. Besides, she's never seen your room anyway. But you know, she's kind of had this thing for you lately...
She wouldn't need a condom, no... at least not when she's sober. But after a couple piña coladas (or wine coolers:) you never know... You know she's had her eye on that guy, her friend's boyfriend Bob for some time now...and of course that other guy, Bob's friend who likes to do the Bouncey Bouncey in the booths at Giordano's Pizza.....
Bugman is always after your supply...whether it's a few spare bucks or that Burrito Supreme that you tucked away in the false bottom of your fridge. Then again, he wouldn't know you had condoms unless bigmouth DEG snitched... DEG!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe Eric "Shoe Loser" has your condoms. Him and DEG are inseperable. If they weren't both guys you'd swear they were dating. That and the black lipstick that DEG always comes home with after a visit to Eric's house....
Yah Right you liar. James Hetfield was not in your room today. Heavy-metal megastars are not known for randomly walking into peoples places of living and snaking their rubbers. Nor are they traditionally known for teaming up with wanna-be white rappers (wiggers) or suing their own fans, but that's another story.