Welcome to the joke page. This is
where our loyal surfers submit their best/worst computer jokes.
Some signs that Windows 95 is
not working for you as well as it should
You had to return your monitor after
the first month because the words 'Microsoft ScanDisk' burned into the
upper-left corner.
Ditto for 'Safe mode Safe mode Safe
mode Safe mode'
Your Windows 95 CD-ROM is only half
the thickness of your other CDs, because it wore down from all those reinstalls.
You wondered if something was wrong
when you looked in Device Manager and saw a device without a big yellow
(!) on it
You keep an Emergency Diskette stuck
halfway in the drive at all times, 'just in case it happens again'
You have a shortcut to Emergency Recovery
Utility on your start menu
Signs that you spend too much
time on the computer
When you lose your car keys, you start
looking for the 'Find' button
When in the shower you've noticed yourself
double-clicking the soap.
Microsoft corporation has given you
a preferred-customer card!
your ISP is giving you frequent-surfer
miles
You start getting fan mail from the
L.O.D.
You've learned to mimic the sounds
your modem makes when you go online; now you can surf the 'Net without
the computer
While applying for a job you asked
if you could list Binary as a second language
Top ten lists We had to write these ourselves!
Top (almost ten) computer nerd
pick-up lines and shoot-downs
Are you just glad to see me or did
you just get a bigger, um, hard drive...
You've got the biggest applets I've
ever seen!
I'd love to get to know you better,
but I've seen a three and a half inch Floppy before.
Is that an extra gig in your pocket,
or are you just happy to see me?
Can I give you an upgrade?
Hey, be careful with the interface
tool!
I'd do that in an instant, if I didn't
have a thing against Micro Softs.
Hey, baby, I've got a 17-inch Plug
n Play. And I have a nice monitor, too.
See what happens when nobody contributes?
We have to write the jokes ourselves, and then they really suck! Fun with newbies
When they're writing a long report
and ask you how to double-space, tell them to highlight their entire report
and hit the button marked DEL, 'Doublespace Each Line'
Tell them the 'any' key is the big
white one on the front of their computer.
You might be a newbie if...
You thought a RAID system had something
to do with killing roaches
You called tech support complaining
that the motorized cupholder on your computer was too small to hold a Slurpee.
When someone asked you how big your
hard disk was, you called him a pervert and whacked him one.
You actually considered buying a MAC
(No offense to MAC users, of course...)
You don't have a single address with
an '@' in it
You thought VxD's were sexually transmitted!
Some signs you paid too much
for that office suite:
They delivered it to your door in a
Brinks truck.
Even the temporary files it creates
start with dollar signs (Ahem, Microsoft Office, ahem!)
The CD-ROM comes in a gold-plated jewel
box
The word "sucker" appears in the version
number anywhere
It's made by Microsoft!
Limerics
Power users with plenty of
dough
Lust after the Pentium Pro
For the little old Cray
While good in its day
Won't handle MS-bloated code
There once was another Norman
Bates
Who went by the name of Bill Gates
He went out with his knife
To cut short the life
Of his only true rival, Netscape
If Microsoft made toasters: Every time you bought a loaf of bread you
would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but
you'll still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence
requiring a reinforced steel counter top), draw enough electricity
to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen,
would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or
dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other
appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft
toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only
works with their toasters.
Did you hear Windows 3.1 is now shareware?
Seems that it finally made it
out of the beta-test stage and is now ready for
full release.
Bill Gates is having the "DriveSpace"-style graphic
(a pie chart showing
free vs used) redone in windows 98 since the
old image still seems to cause
him nightmares.
On a personal note, I would like to thank Bill
Gates for showing us on
national TV that Windows98 is screwed too. :)
Dumbest One We've Ever Heard: "Did you hear about the new computer
that's coming out? It's called the Mike Tyson. Two bytes and no memory!"
--from an Alaska radio show
