THE TRUTH ABOUT THE FTC PRIVACY INVESTIGATION
 
HitlerCities is now suing the FTC for 'misleading customers' by libellously stating that HitlerCities sold members' personal information to marketers. This is not true. We sold it to *spammers* for marketing purposes. (Hey! Who said that?!?)

--BULLETIN-- The person responsible for this newsletter has been sacked.--

No, what really happened is, the FTC HACKED INTO our top-secret member database, which is triple-encrypted for your protection, *stole* all your member information, and then sold it so they could claim a violation and investigate us. You do know, business has been slow for the FTC these past few months, they had to do *something*... I mean come on, they were bored. They needed something to do.

Needless to say, HitlerCities denies any wrongdoing.
 
 
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Rub-A-Dub-Dub
 
Because we love and cherish you so much, we are inviting you to a Thpecial Bubble Bath Thession at Gay Bod's Bubble Bath! There you can meet our flamboyant ex-CEO David Bonehead! Or just relax in a thudsy tub with Gay Bod himself! Admission is only $48 dollarhz per perthon (or pet)! Yes, you can bring Thparky along too! Is this not the motht Incredible Deal or what?????!?!?!?????!????!?!!!????!!?!??!?
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WHERE THEY WENT
 
Recently someone posted a page called "Where They Went", a grossly inaccurate representation of servants who have left our Service as a result of the Watermarks that we've so generously given out to you. We would like to make a clarification: These ex-servants did NOT move to other webhosts. There are no other webhosts; they do not exist and are a figment of some joker's imagination. They *were*, however, executed on the spot--One more reason for all of you to obey the TOS--you get to keep your Life!
 
 
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Special Deal for All HitlerCities Homesteaders!
 
Do you like being audited? Of course not. Nobody does. You do know, however, that all it takes is one little suspicious word from us to the IRS to make your life nothing short of miserable! But, have we got a special deal for you! Although we have all your personal information (like name, address, and Social Security number) we can conveniently forget this information on our next routine visit with the IRS! All you have to do is buy our product! They won't hear an ill word about you! So, to keep your life from becoming a living Hell, we sincerely hope you'll follow this link.
<http://extortio.net/>
After all, it's in your best interests.
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NOT ZOOM, NOT CROTCHWINDS; HITLERCITIES IS THE BEST!
 
The following *informational*, non-partisan chart has been provided for your Convenience. As said earlier, there *are* no other free webhosts. Period. Anything you have heard about the existance of 'free' webhosts other than HitlerCities, is false. Bearing this in mind, HitlerCities is The Best 'Free' Webpage Provider(tm)! Compare:
 

                  HitlerCities            Zoom          Crotchwinds        MisfortuneCity
PROVIDER          (BEST BET!)       (Does Not Exist)   (Does Not Exist)    (Does Not Exist)
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Webspace             11MB                NONE              NONE                 NONE
FTP?                 YES                 NONE              NONE                 NONE
Bandwidth    T3, Dedicated backbone      NONE              NONE                 NONE
CGI?           CrashAds, Banners         NONE              NONE                 NONE
Community?     Trademark Enforcers       NONE              NONE                 NONE
Subdirectories?   Pay For 'Em $$         NONE              NONE                 NONE
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Well, there you have it! Looks like HitlerCities is your best (nay, ONLY) choice when it comes to a 'free' webhost. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! They are playing you as a fool. Don't fall for it!

Then again, you can always post to your ISP--(HEY! Traitor! Not you too!!)

--BULLETIN-- The World Report editor that was brought in to replace the one that was sacked, has been sacked.--

So, folks, there is NO WHERE to run, NO WHERE to hide, we are your LAST hope for 'free' Web space. Value, love, and cherish us, as we value, love and cherish you. (Or claim to.)
(@!$%#@%!!)

--BULLETIN-- The new World Report marketroid that was brought in to replace the one that was brought in to replace the one that was sacked, has just been sacked.--

hehehehe I'M BAAAAACK...... (*clobber* *wump*)

--BULLETIN-- The World Report marketroid that was most recently sacked, has just been re-sacked. Furthermore, the party responsible for sacking him has been sacked.--

We'd better wrap this up quick...
 
 
 
All celebrity voices impersonated. Even Ms. Lewinsky's. "Ohhh. Oooohhh. MMmmmmm, yyyes, Bill!.....  "
 
--BULLETIN-- The person(s) responsible for the 'celebrity voices' disclaimer has just been sacked.--
 
 
Aww, forget it, just go back to the Index page!