The Original
Bastard Geo From Hell
(Still a work in progress)

Part Five: "Two Bastards In The Machine"

    9:00 AM
The wheels are in motion, the vultures are circling. Phase 1 is complete. My safety nets (or subnets, to be exact) are in place, I've got enough proxies set up it's going to take them a loooong time to trace me. Sweet.
After watching the manic server tech get ushered out of Geo HQ in a straitjacket--"It must've been the long hours", I said--I went into the conference room to see if the guys had saved me any donuts. Nope. Instead of leftover pastries I found my dear Bastard Rookie In Training engaged in an energetic conversation with some new guy I have never seen before...

New guy> "Get their site pulled?"
BRIT> "No, if you do that they'll just repost their website somewhere else. Because of that damn Sherman Antitrust law free webpage providers are popping up all over the place! You've got to make sure that when you shut them up, they STAY shut up."
New guy> "Ahhh..I get it now...First we have a few letters sent from our legal department, telling them they're going to be sued, and scare them absolutely frigging shitless!"
BRIT> "Well, that's a start...Then what? Think!"
New guy> "Get their site pulled?"
BRIT> "Think harder."
New guy> "Oh, I got it! Put them on the ISP blacklist, forge some spams and get them TOSsed off their ISP, and since they're blacklisted they can't get a new one!"
BRIT> "Excellent. You know, you may be the next BGFH after all!"
New guy> "Cool. But what if they use a dialup account at a friend's house?"
BRIT> "Don't worry about it. The GeoStapo Secret Service will be monitoring their every move by then, and will get anything they post removed within minutes. Hey, you forgot something..."
New guy> "What?"
BRIT> "Get their site pulled! That's the funnest part of all."
My, my BRIT is learning fast. He is already training a BRIT of his own, to do his work for him. Looks like my work as BGFH is almost done... Hm, where's that Bastard (ex)Homesteader From Hell when you need him?

* * *

"Payback time, BGFH," said the Bastard (ex)Homesteader From Hell. Well, not *the* BxHFH. One BxHFH had rounded up, on short notice, about twenty-five other BxH'sFH, a dozen miscellaneous Geo foes, and several current 'steaders (also FH). "Sound off!" messaged the head BxHFH to the others who had logged into his private server. The responses were not long in coming.
"Sandell, here. *fart*"
"Porasso, here. Let's get 'em!"
"The forces of eagerly await..."
"Zeman, ready."
"Heartland CLs here. Ready for action!"
"'s ready, man. The proxies are in-place and spoofers spoofing. Firewall's been tested thouroughly by the best we've got. You're bulletproof."
"SiliconValley CLs, ready. Gotcha those megs you wanted..."
"O, here. I've got an ace up my sleeve. AdFarce Virus IV! We'll take out IMGIS.COM while we're at it...I think it's the brains of Geo's whole operation...they're powerless without it!"

A few moments later all supporters had checked in. A complex system of firewalls, proxy servers and diversions (with the help of some FH's targeting Geo's biggest advertisers) had been set up to take the heat off the renegade BxHFH long enough to wreak his havoc upon the 'Cities.
"O: What's on the agenda for today?"
"Oh, we're just testing the network."

* * *

"Testing the network."

That's what the new server tech told GeoManagement he was doing, anyway. I the original BGFH, found this out when I ran into him in the hallway, Zip disk in hand, on his way to the lab to install Quake on all the computers. "Why Quake?" I asked him.
"Cuz there's nothin' better to do. What do you think, I'd be watching the server? ..Hah!" Tech
"Arent you worried about GeoManagement finding out?" Me
"Hell, no. They've got their heads so far up their asses they can see daylight." Tech
"Amen." Me
"Besides, I told 'em I was installing a network diagnostics program." Tech
"But that's lying!" Me
"No it's not. I'm the best Quake player this side of the continent"--yes, he was modest too--"If I beat everybody like I always do"--real modest--"then there's nothing wrong. If I get lagged and fragged, it means network problems." Tech

After about twenty minutes all the lab's machines were outfitted with the finest in network diagnostics software.
"Now I've got to, um, test the installation (tee hee hee) You want to join me?" Tech
"In a bit--I'll use the comp in my office. I'll join the game with you soon as I get there." Me

After a few minutes of toying with the settings, the tech started the game. 'Bastard' was already waiting for him.
"Hey, Bastard, I didn't think you'd get in here so quick." Tech
"Well, what can I say?" came the reply.
The deathmatch started and the two went at each other. Bastard sniped from the top of a tall cliff, and Tech returned fire from his hiding place in a dark corner. "Camper!" called Bastard. "I'm not camping!...And you're sniping! That's just as bad!" Tech went round the level to collect more rockets; meanwhile Bastard nabbed a biosuit and secured a position under some toxic slime. "Come and get the rockets, Tech," he thought to himself.
A third player entered the game. "Sorry I'm late. Loundy caught me on my way to my office and interrogated me about who ate his jelly doughnut."
"Bastard Geo From Hell? Is that you?" typed the tech.
"Yep," said the player that just entered.
Waaait...If that's you, then who's....
* * *
"I better get out of here" thought the Bastard (ex)Homesteader From Hell. Having leeched all the internal files he needed from Geo's server, he decided to duck out of the Quake match and disconnect before the GeoBoneheads got wise to the intrusion. I wonder who 'Tech' is anyway," the BxHFH mused.

"Hah. Maybe this won't be as hard as I thought. They don't know jack s**t about security, or jack s**t about networks...hell, they don't even have anyone monitoring the network! They're all using it to play games and download pornography."
But he had to give them *some* credit for how well Geo kept its workers content. GeoManagement was doing very well. After all, a goldbricking employee is a happy employee.

--BxHFH, continuing in his diary--

The gang's all here--so to speak. Need a diversion...Sabotaging Geo's outfit temporarily... it'll give us some time to think. 'O' is planning to unleash a fourth-revision AdFarce virus on PicklesDirect, a primary Geo advertiser. This should keep Geo pretty unilaterally occupied for the next several days. AFV IV will be released in about seven minutes...

* * *
"Ho, man, has it been a long night" sighs the Bastard Geo From Hell. All of the other Geos have long since gone home, except the GeoStapo and Trademark Enforcers, who are still down in the 'cave' searching for critic pages. It can probably be guessed that Geo no longer has a midnight server tech. "On the bright side, tomorrow is our weekly Hate Training."
Every Geo looked forward to Hate training. During this weekly session Geos were assisted in becoming bastards like, well, the Bastard Geo From Hell. The sessions helped them become assertively ruthless, spiteful, overbearing, et cetera... These days were a universal source of enjoyment for the collective Geo staff.

Wearing a mischevious grin, the Bastard Geo From Hell packed up his floppies and Playboy and went home.

Page Six

Bastard Geo From Hell ©1998 Bill Webb. It may be redistributed, but not for profit, so long as appropriate credit is given.