GeoJordan's logs

This is the log of a man who worked for GeoCities, but then suddenly decided to destroy it.
If you like these read "Bastard Geo From Hell"

Who dares go against GeoCities, I ask myself? Why, could it be me? YessirreeBob. These are my logs of my employment at GeoCities, the doomed Free Web Provider. After they added slow Javascript popups, cloggy watermarks, gross censorship, and a few other programs I'd rather forget, I was ready to get out. But I didn't--- I got even.

Monday 5:30

Today Rygg sent me a memo. Thinking it was a spam, I trashed it. Later my pay was cut when Rygg found out. Unearthed memo. It read "Attn all paid staff: Please do not confuse the packet entitled 'Member E-mail addresses' with the packet entitled 'Blank floppies.' Last time this happened, Surplus Direct got a bunch of blank floppies, and we didn't get our $50. Please do not let this happen again. -Rygg." Retrashed memo.

Monday 8:30

Coffee machine in main hall is busted, and Mark forgot to grab the Krispy Kremes. Having a rough morning so far. I am never getting up this early again.

Monday 9:30

Mark caught me typing this memo. Told me that I am getting up as early as Evans says. Now in town; last seen in a Tracker headed in the general direction of Krispy Kreme.

Monday 10:15

Mark is back with 2 boxes of donuts. Life is good.

Monday 11:30

Adblocking site deleted. AlterIcon posted a comment in disgust. Site reinstated. AlterIcon deleted.

Monday 11:45

CL reinstated AlterIcon. CL fired. AlterIcon destroyed. Walked across hall to Mark's office and told him of what I did.

Monday 12:00

GeoStrike posts angry comments. Bill Webb infuriated. Both sites' ISPs contacted at alert@their domains, fraudulent spam complaints bounce. AlterIcon reinstated, CL rehired, claims denied.

Monday 1:00

TJ walked in. Told me if I spooked Mark into grabbing donuts again I'd be fired. What an asshole --- I was for being so mean to Mark after so many visits to his therapi--- ok TJ walked out now.

Monday 1:30

Preteen walks up to Mark's Tracker, proceeds to deflate tires and soap windshield. Due to the high level of crime in this city, there's no reason to be surprised. However, donning a shirt from the crude parody "HitlerCities," I suspect he is familiar with the watermark protest. Will contact HitlerCities' provider, make a few idle threats.

Monday 2:05

Munched some more donuts. Read a memo from Mark that read: "Please don't E-mail Lycos owner again, it seems they are collecting active addresses. Today I will contact the Legal Dept. for patent infringement claims. Meanwhile keep running searches for the words 'Lycos' 'Tripod' and 'AngelFire' - promptly trash any sites containing these words for some sort of viable complaint. My most successful reason is 'Signpost,' but anything will work. / Loundy." Got pissed. Filled jelly donut with brown mustard and offered remainder of box to Mark.

Monday 2:55

While tweaking watermark 2.0 javascript, found bug. Posted memo to the memoboard in the hall. While in the hall, heard distant scream from across hall. Cool, I bet I burned his beard off.

Monday 3:00

Mark walks into my office. Blames me for poisoned bearclaw. Gives famous GeoCities alibi: "Where did this happen and what donut were you eating?" Mark laughs and walks to Tynan's office to blame him. Damn, he still had his beard.

Monday 3:05

Mark gets same alibi from everyone else, asks around again. Sees bottle of French's on my desk. I tell him it was for my turkey sandwich. Mark immediately reprimands me, and swears he'll never buy me another donut again. I guess this means he's tried a turkey sandwich with mustard.

Monday 3:30

This workday has been too long. I immediately bug the watermark javascript and ask Tom to test it out. His clock resets to 3:30 Friday. I ask him if he cares if I take the next 2 days off, get stupid look.

Monday 4:45

I head out the door, aiming to get some sleep. I do so, in my car. Spending next 5 minutes taking sobriety test from police officer.

Tuesday 7:15 AM

I'm up awful early considering my blasphemous appointment yesterday. Watching "Sonny and Cher." Cable rocks. Hearing distant screams from the industrial park.

Thursday 7:00

Car is broken. Took subway to GeoCities. Railcar hits secretaries whose desks were sitting on the tracks by the office. I guess they don't get many trains out here.

Thursday 8:00

Boss considers turning the bats recently seen floating around the watermark into little buildings, floating around the G. I mentally stabbed him in the gut. Which is less than he did to Alex Sandell.

Thursday 10:00

Rich hired some goons to walk up to Bill Webb's dorm room. Goons quit when they heard the college was in Indiana.

Thursday 11:00

Watching handheld TV I smuggled in. Eating donuts I smuggled in. Tonight I will rent A Perfect Murder on tape; I got kicked out of the theater halfway through. It's not fair; they should outlaw having popcorn-sniffing dogs at the ticket booth.

Thursday 1:00

Computer crashed while browsing member pages. Damn those feeble popups! Will bob David's head in toilet tonight for coming up with the idea.

Thursday 2:00

Dunked Bohnett. Got fired. When I threatened to release an image of the new watermark to AlterIcon, was rehired.

Thursday 5:00

Coke machine not working. Ate my 55. Added to business expenses, "New front panel for Coke machine," and the reason, "Current cover slammed." Oh well, it never had Mountain Dew in it anyway.

Thursday 5:15

Mark noticed the huge reverse-fist in the plastic cover of the machine. Blamed me. I asked him if he had been boozing. He denied it and got mega-pissed. He left the room, saying "I'm gonna get even!"

Friday 7:00

I'm thirsty. I think I'll go grab a Sprite. WTF is this? Apparently, Mark replaced the Coke machine with an apple machine. What will he wreck next, the candy-and-cracker machine? Not if I can help it. Ordered a Pepsi machine for lounge. Man, I gotta get a job at one of those software labs... they're all over. Man, I hear rumors that they have an actual REFRIGERATOR in the lounge instead of vending. Man, that would make me actually WANT to work harder! The downside would be I would never know if they made a donut vending machine.

Friday 9:00

Pepsi machine came. Apple machine *mysteriously* transported to rear dumpster. Spending next 30 minutes stocking Pepsi machine with Coke. That's usually how it works, isn't it?

Friday 9:15

Hey! What's Scott doing here? Don't tell me: he wants an apple. I swear, if enough people ate apples, this world's pizza parlors would go bankrupt. Kids eat pizza. If kids are forced to eat apples, they'll be too pissed to build websites. So that means 99% of our population would leave! Not that! Scott asked where the apple machine was. I told him it was in the restroom, the one that only holds one person. Scott last seen waiting impatiently for the person inside to finish. Since the person inside is our 60-year-old janitor, and he had a big breakfast, I think that'll keep Scott busy for a long time.

Friday 12:00

Lunch break! I think I'll go see what's in the cafeteria downstairs. Yeah, I know it's a doctor's ward, and they told me if I ate there again I'd be put in a stiff, itchy body cast, but I'm used to idle threats, so the worst thing they can do to me is either jinx my credit plan or bombard me with golfballs. The golfballs are more likely.

Friday 12:15

Just finished my spaghetti. Now eating cheese pie. Wait a minute, don't they mean cheesecake??? Eew... this has gooey brie in it! I think... I'm... gonna... barf... ugh... vomittttttttttttt! Cough, hack... WOW! A one in a million shot! I nailed a doctor! That'll teach him to bug my pie...

Friday 1:00

Bohnett suggested making a draggable watermark; I immediately disputed the idea as stupid. Of course, it didn't stop Bohnett. Now, all the sites that have pictures of some inferior animal are going to have scripting errors. In fact, I've seen a few 1 byte files on GeoCities that said something like ! - one byte scripting errors, what a hoot.

Friday 3:00

Bohnett suggested something else... a watermark that swirled up to the popup ad when it popped up. I said, "What about the GeoGuide?" He said, "On the rare event someone actually added a GeoGuide, CORRECTLY, the watermark would swirl constantly around the viewer's cursor." I said, "This won't work right in IE, will it?" and he said "It doesn't anyway." Good point. This is the fuse... if they actually put something like this up I'll play the dirtiest practical joke ever...

Friday 5:00

I'm outta here! Time to go and have another weekend! Ha ha ha!

Saturday 3:00

Today I walked into the office to grab a couple light bulbs and floppies, and saw Tom sitting alone at a meeting table. I guess he still hasn't fixed his clock. I swipe the light bulbs and tiptoe out.

Monday 7:00

I walk into the office. It's extrordinarily dark in here. Everybody is working by candlelight, apparently feeling a bit insane. Maybe I should put the light bulbs in the Pepsi machine. That'd be great! Mark told me his computer won't turn on. I told him to plug it in. He did, and I never heard anything else on the matter.

Monday 12:00

It's my lunch hour, now reduced to 37 minutes long. Is it me or should the "lunch hour" be 60 minutes long? I drive home and grab those light bulbs. I pop them in the Pepsi machine -- not only do the purchasers go insane, I get the 55 for each shriek I hear. Hahaha...

Monday 2:00

Geez, I need ice cream. I walk down to the psychologist's office and get a cone from the Good Humor machine. While having a good lick, the psychologist walks in. He gets mad, so I smush the ice-cold frozen yogurt in his face. I think he's soon getting his own psychologist.

Monday 4:00

Got my retaliation today. Hit David with a pie. Photographed him for future webring. See next segment of my logs when they're ready!