Dear Mr. Jones:
           We noticed you've not picked up any condoms at SpiffyMart recently.
           (Your last purchase was 8 weeks ago.) Further, you have stopped
           buying feminine hygiene products, but have sharply increased
           your frozen pizza and dinners usage in the same time frame.  

           It's clear that Ms. Jody Sanders has dumped you.  (It's probably
           for the best - we knew she was a loser from that cheap shampoo she
           buys.) We confirmed this with the Post Office database -- yep, she
           filed a change of address.

           We at Horny International offer our condolences.  As the number-one
           vender of hot X-rated videos, we'd like to help you out in this
           time of stress. If you're feeling lonely, check out our catalog of
           both VHS and super 8 tapes.

           Order now and we throw in an extra tape FREE!

           Yours Truly;

           Sleazy Jerk, Marketing Manager.

           ps: That "blond" at O'Dougles last Saturday -- you bought her 
           2nd Strawberry Martini? Forget it! She's on her third yeast
           infection in as many months, and is a 'regular' at Acme Pharmacy.
           (Her HMO computer gossips with ours.) You never know what else she
           might have. Our tapes are LOTS safer!...