Your own room (sorta)
 
Room is the size of a large dog cage
 
Ethernet ports in every room
 
Enthernet ports aren't hooked up yet, you have to telnet your email off some VAX machine in the school computer lab
 
A fresh new email address
 
Your real name in the fresh new email address--So long anonymity...
 
Roomates
 
Roomates who don't use deodorant
 
Having to drive 4 hours each way between here & home (to visit parents, girlfs, etc) and getting lost on the way
 
Cheap gas in Indiana ($0.89/gal)
 
Guy/Chick Ratio (approx. 5:1) It's an engineering school, for God's sake!
 
Dribble Dicks who don't lift the seat in public john
 
Midnite pizza
 
Thunder Pizza is open late
 
Thunder Pizza can give you thunder indigestion
 
Always keep plenty of Tums
 
...Away from roomate and guests, if possible--They may have indigestion too
 
Laundry? What's that?
 
Clothes that stink from not doing laundry? You Bet!
 
No chicks on this floor
 
Chicks on the floor directly above you--Got a drill, anyone? It's peephole time! :)
 
Smoke detector in every room
 
Lets the RA know when you're smoking
 
No parents!!!
 
No money from parents!!!
 
No adults who need you to be quiet so they can get their beauty sleep
 
Roomates need their beauty sleep, too
 
That wieeeerd class schedule: Monday, 5 classes; Tuesday 2; Wednesday extended lunch hour in the middle of the day...
 
Free, public internet access in school lab
 
That's PUBLIC internet access--No warez, hacking, downloading stuff, bomb recipes, cusswords, South Park videos, MP3's, Shockwave, Java, FTP, ICQ, chat...
 
Heated rooms
 
No air conditioning
 
Smells nasty in here because SOMEBODY spilled the Pine-Sol all over the floor, and waited 'til it got sucked in under the tiles before bothering to clean the shit up...
 
Spankin' the monkey (just kidding!)
 
Getting CAUGHT spankin' the monkey (not funny!)
 
The roomates unauthorized pet likes to eat laundry quarters
 
Homework? My roomie's unauthorized pet ate it!
 
Freedom to listen to pretty much ANY music you want to
 
Acck! Whose bright idea was it to leave an ENYA CD in your disc player, thus causing it enter your dorm undetected by sensitive ENYA-filtering equipment? Can anyone say, "Trojan Horse"?
 
Speaking of Trojan, guess who left his condoms at home? Yep, You got it!
 
The only calendar you could find was a complimentary one from Hitzeman Funeral Home, with Christian themes and bibles scenes adorning its pages. Buy a casket, get a calendar...
 
All your important dates are written in it: Get drunk, get lucky, run out of money due to rapacious bookstore vampires, hire personal-injury attorney, run very fast in dorm hallway, slip on pukestain, sue pants off puker/pukee, solve money problem...
 
Free webspace! Maybe GeoCities can't get it censored...
 
Free webspace eaten up by mindless drivel like that which you are currently reading...
 
Whose idea was it to pack a sewing kit in with my stuff? Now rest of dorm calls me 'Sweetheart' (J/K)
 
Breakfast, lunch, dinner covered on meal plan
 
Spam for breakfast
 
Spam for lunch
 
Dinner tried to eat YOU
 
Lovely Japanese woman strolling seductively across campus
 
Dammit why does that Japanese dude dress like a woman?
 
Too many Tupac lovers in your building, who like it LOUD!
 
Why doesn't my phone work?
 
Where did all this cockroach poop come from?
 
Whose potato chip did I just step on?
 
Taco Bell in town, open late!
 
Roomate may kick you out for having characteristic Taco Bell flatulence
 
Cable TV!!
 
Didn't bring a TV!!
 
With all this homework, don't have time to watch it anyway!
 
All fat, oil, and grease goes to heaven
 
not to mention straight to your love handles--Ever hear of the 'Freshman Fifteen'?
 
Hey man, those look like MY underwear!
 
Well YOU weren't using them...
 
Junk Food.
 
Easy availibility of junk food
 
Don't you just LOVE how your **** stick to your ***** on hot days in no air conditioning?!?