The Original
Bastard Geo From Hell
(Still a work in progress)

Part 7: "Bastards on the Farm"

* * * ("O", another Bastard Homesteader) * * * 
  12:35 PM 

 Just finished pitching the latest GeoSabotage idea to the rest of the BHFH team. .. The general consensus? "O, that's one HELL of an idea you have there!" And next thing i know, we're putting everything in motion. It looks like a long night of coding ahead , but after BxHFH's excursion last week, there's no way we could resist... The irony is just TOO perfect to pass up. Well, time to hit those bytecodes... 

     9:30 AM 

 We're almost ready to put the plan into motion, online with the BHSF (Bastard Homesteader Strike Force) right now. First, 
"'Upgrade' ready?" me. 

 "Yeah, even placed on Geo's server so they'll have no trouble getting ahold of it." Renegade SilliconValley CL #3. 

 "Clean account?" BxHFH. 

 "What, you think I want the 'Stapo at my door? As far as Geo's records are concerned, I'm a 46-year-old widow from Peoria. They'll never be able to track me through all those anonymous telnets!" RSVCL#3. 

 "Ok. Proxies ready?" me. 

"Up, running, and cranking out primo grade spoof! This new system seems to be working, everyone who's tried has no clue the proxy's even in the chain!" 

 Let's just run a check... Yeah, that new spoof module is a work of genius! Incoming info is redirected through our network, outgoing seems to be coming from random Third-world countries, and the best part is that the whole thing is totally invisible to tracert and most other trackers! 
Rules were made to be broken, plain and simple. Yeah, you're supposed to tell the next server in line who gave you the packet, but... 

 "Like you need any more confirmation, but that setup ROCKS!" me. 

 "No prob. Epoxy-proxy is GO!" 

 "O, would you do the honors? Your plan, after all." BxHFH. 

 Email sent, piped through 5 remailers and a few spoofers. 
"Now, we just need to wait for them to take the bait... BHSF READY???" 

 "YEAH!!" The shout, echoing across cyberspace, would chill BGFH's bones could he know our plans... 

 * * * 
10:35 AM 

 BGFH here, Tech just told me he heard about a new upgrade to our "network diagnostics program," and invited me for a game as soon as he gets it installed on the network. Almost accepted, but I decided it'd be more fun to just drop in and frag him a few times without warning. 

For laughs, I checked out the Forums to see GeoMark's latest excuses. Nothing interesting though, he's just bragging about how "our server farm is the largest in the world, there's nothing like it anywhere on the Internet." What the hell is a server 'farm ,' anyway? 

 "Hey, check this out!" Tech's yelling from his office. "The guy even has the whole upgrade on his GeoCities site!" A few keyboard clicks. "Or, he HAD it... Good thing I managed to download before it mysteriously disappeared! You sure you can't, uhh, help me test the new diagnostics package this afternoon?" 

 "Yeah, I have too many ISPs to threaten with lawsuits, you know it's the one job the GeoBosses won't let us put off." 

"Bad luck man. I'll let you know my kill cou-- I mean the newest stats later on. " 

 "Yeah, you do that..." I can't wait to frag him this afternoon! 

 * * * (O) * * * 

     10:40 AM 

 "Woah, Geo just took the bait, and fried it from the server for good measure!" RSVCL#3. 

 "Strike Force ready!" BxHFH. 

 "Ready!" Zeman. 

 "Set!" Porasso. 

 "*fart* Yeah!" Sandell. 

 "And we have the signal! Yet again, a Quake deathmatch roaring on Geo's servers..." me. 

 "*LOL* Ok, let's go!!!" Zeman. 

 "No, we wait... Let them get into the game." BxHFH 

 * * * (BGFH) * * * 

     10:59 AM 

 All right, time to frag that Tech! BGFH will rule the day! 

 * * * (O) * * * 

     11:00 AM 

 "GO!" BxHFH. 

 Connect to GeoCities, courtesy of the Epoxy-Proxy on our end and the Quake "upgrade" holding a nice, anonymous port open for our use on theirs. A few commands, then 

 "BHSF, login now!" Seconds later, all 7 user login messages scroll across the screen. But Geo won't know what hit them, the GeoQuake upgrade is functioning perfectly. 

 * * * (BGFH) * * * 

 What the hell? I can see all 3 Techs in the game in the plaza, so who just ducked through that doorway? 

 * * * (O) * * * 

 And now for the fun! A few commands, and on Geo's screens 

 * * * (BGFH) * * * 

 You've discovered the Secret Level! 
Now entering: The Farm 

"Oooohhh YEAH! Secret Level!" Apparently Tech forgot that most network diagnostics don't have secret levels... He'd better hope GeoMark didn't hear that one! 

 'The Farm'? And that doesn't look much like a quake level... 

 * * * (O) * * * 

 Of course, our special secret level contains a lookout booth, so i can keep an eye at what's going on (and record all the action in a demo file). Below, a futuristic rendering, large metallic buildings linked insanely by catwalks and tunnels, and each labeled with a server name gleaned from BxHFH's last incursion to GeoCities. To the left, the three GeoTechs standing atop one building. To the right, the Bastard Homesteader Strike Force waiting for the signal to action. 

 * * * (BGFH) * * * 

 The three techs are on top of some huge metal thing... Odd, deathmatch levels usually don't start all players in the same area... 

 Welcome, GeoJoes, to the Server Farm level. i trust you're ready for some fun? 


 i'm afraid you'll have to work as a team for the moment, as difficult as that may be for you. 

 Who are these messages from? 

 Your mission, should you choose to accept it: defend your server farm from attack by the invading force. The three of you against the seven of us. 

 Only three? Apparently these invaders overlooked someone (namely ME, BGFH!) Won't they be surprised? 
Although, the GeoStapo DID stab my mother... 

 To even things out, we'll even give you the latest of weapons. And suddenly, three guns drop from the sky in front of the Techs, who dive for them instantly. Ah, glad to see you like them! (: They're the latest Magnetic Pulse Guns. Rip the iron right out of your enemies' bloodstream. Cheers from the Techs. But don't forget, you're in your own server farm. Take a bad shot, and... A violent blast of energy flies from the sky and crashes into one of the buildings. 

 "SHIT!" BRIT shouts from the server room. "The FashionAvenue server just f***ing exploded!!!" 

As some GeoMinion can probably tell you, one of your servers was just erased, complete core dump. Watch where you shoot. 


 "Why play the game at all?" Tech A is trying to talk to them. "Why not just trash the servers yourselves?" 

 Because it's more fun to watch you guys do it. In case you were wondering, your weapons are the only ones that'll damage the servers. And you only have to frag each of us once, one kill and our players are out of the game. 

 How kind of them. 

 Needless to say, the Techs had no idea what hit them. Before I could even decide whether to fight or join the invaders, the Techs wiped out 30 or 40 servers shooting at ghosts. No way in hell I'm going to sign on with those lusers! 

 Quick port scan... And there's the telnet login! Must be good, GeoStapo's sending ICMPs flying all the way to Afghanistan trying to kill them. 

 You guys are damn good. Usually GeoStapo kills infiltrators in a few seconds. .. And literally kills them the next day. 

 * * * (O) * * * 

Someone's sending ME a message?!?! Quick check, the Epoxy-proxy is still working ... So i have time to humor him. 

 Yeah, thanks for the compliment. But shouldn't you be concentrating on protecting your servers from total destruction? 

 Nah, those luser Techs'll have to fix it anyway, it's not my problem. But you do realize they'll have it back up in a few days? 

 Still... Especially once we release the Quake Demo recording of this debacle, GeoCities Techs destroying their own servers. And especially that frag counter : 200 Geos fragged and not one of us yet. 

 Not a good idea, if you want to keep your major body parts connected to your body. GeoStapo are trained to be completely ruthless. 

 Their ICMP attacks don't seem to be doing much good. BTW, you might want to tell them to quit trying. If we split without the proper exit code, what do you think happens to your servers? 

 Somehow, I'm not surprised. Let me know if you ever need inside help. 

 Damn, he logged out! And i didn't even get a chance to trace him... Well, better talk it over with BxHFH. 

 - - - 

Message from BxHFH: "All right everyone, GeoTechs have destroyed just about 60% of their server farm in just 20 minutes, gotten fragged over a thousand times, and haven't managed to kill even one of us. Time to go home, everyone! BxHFH out! " Everyone logs out, but i'll leave one last taunt before i go... 

 Well GeoTechs, it's been fun! But we have to leave now, Quake crashes when you get over 65535 straight kills. See you later! ;) 


 * * * (BGFH) * * * 

     11:30 AM 

 Good thing I was hiding my connection! GeoTynan was so pissed, those three Techs are lucky to be alive! Or maybe not, I hear they're helping the GeoStapo develop new torture techniques... 

 At least there isn't much work for me with half the servers down. I wonder what GeoMark has for lunch today? 

 Being the Bastard Geo from Hell means never getting caught, even when the rest of the fools do. 

 * * * (BxHFH) * * * 

     11:20 PM 

 O's plan worked perfectly, Geo's servers are so far down it'll be days before they can restore full functionality. Looks like someone even updated the GeoCities Status Report, dropped off our Demo on their servers and chmoded it all to 444. GeoMark's busy with damage control, posted some BS excuse and set the forums to read-only. Give them a few days to call in an outside consulting firm and they're back in business, but other things aren't so easily repaired... 

 And even more important, seems there's a dissenter within Geo's ranks. This may be our key to completely destroy GeoCities entire advertising-centered existence ... 

Page Eight

Bastard Geo From Hell ©1998 Bill Webb. It may be redistributed, but not for profit, so long as appropriate credit is given.
BGFH #7 guest-written by a disgruntled Geo member who wishes to remain anonymous...