You're currently in the Snicker Dead Pages Graveyard.
Go here to return to the Graveyard or here
to go to the main page. |
The Fry Report
Lyons Township H. S.
week of ......
The Fry Report is no longer being updated, due to a lack of time, interest,
and unique comments (i've completely run out!) Here it is as I last left
it.
Day of week
|
At-a-glance Fry Rating
|
Salt Index*
|
Comments
|
Monday
|
|
more...more...more...
|
Just another manic-depressive monday, and the fries still suck.
|
Tuesday
|
|
Lovely Salt, wonderful Salt
|
Not the best I've had, but certainly not the worst.
|
Wednesday
|
|
Don't ever stop shaking
|
Hot and greasy, just the way I like 'em. (Making no parallels
to this whole Clinton scandal...)
|
Thursday
|
|
Would you like some fries to go with that salt?
|
Tastes like rubbing alcohol and jalepeno peppers
|
Friday
|
|
2^91 +1 grains
|
Mediocre
|
*Salt Index: the amount of salt necessary to make the fries edible
Ketchup info
Day of week
|
Ketchup Rating
|
Looks/smells/tastes like...
|
Comments
|
Monday
|
|
Battery acid
|
(Zzerzzit! ZZZnap! Pop!...) Never, EVER stick a metallic object
in this ketchup.
|
Tuesday
|
|
Grody stuff ...hm, is that even a word?
|
None necessary, this stuff is just nasty
|
Wednesday
|
|
Actual food??????
|
While still completely on the subject of LT fries, Shelley and
her estrogen-enhanced friend, if you're reading this, "I Dub Thee Unforgiven"!
... Basketball? Speedball? (Those of you who have no idea what I'm talking
about, feel free to Email me at /dev/null)
|
Thursday
|
|
that stuff you see in really bad 'B' movies
|
Vinegarry
|
Friday
|
|
Ketchup!!
|
Twice in one week! Murphy is a moron!
|
Ratings
information:
=Okay,
=Tolerable,
=Bad,
=Deadly.
Resources
LT Food Ingredient lists
How much sodium is too much?
1000mg/day
No effects.
5000mg/day
No effects.
25,000mg/day
Mild sweating, increased thirst.
50,000mg/day
Increased heart rate, inexplicable urge to sing country songs out
loud.
100,000mg/day
Heightened perception and awareness, perceived ability to transcend
time and space.
150,000mg/day
Extrasensory perception and psychic powers, often accompanied by the
feeling that everyone is out to get you.
200,000mg/day
Colors are talking to you.
250,000mg/day
When skin is tapped with fingers or other object, a distinct 'ping'
sound can be heard from blood vessels. Paranoia of something that exists
only in your mind, which you call the 'Lunch Nazi'.
300,000mg/day
Persons consuming this much sodium can be identified from several
yards away by distinct 'crunch, crunch, crunch' sound of heartbeat. Ability
to consume large quantities of genetically-enhanced LT ketchup without
vomiting.
Recommendation: Cut back when symptoms become
too severe.
As long as you're here...
LT's official
website
Groaners by Mark Doyle, US History
teacher (natch!)
Back to 'Misc'.
Back to Index
No animals were harmed in the creation of this webpage.
However, 31 students became ill and four were hospitalized after inhaling
toxic ketchup fumes. The LT Fry Report is in no way affiliated with Lyons
Township High School, LT's official website,
or Marriot Food Services, which provides the "yummy" fries which are the
topic of this page. The fries, the ketchup and the recipies for the aforementioned
may be trademarks of Marriot Foods and/or the Orkin Man. Other trademarks,
including 'Lunch Nazi' and all related logos, insignias, and likenesses
to Saddam Hussain, are hereby acknowledged. Esta pagina is entirely the
property of some guy who calls himself 'Bill Webb' and is not endorsed
by Netcom or any of their advertisers.
LT Fries are entirely the property of the cockroaches that call LT home
and are not endoresed by LT students or any of their stomachs. Close cover
before striking. 'Bill Webb' is not a doctor or licensed medical professional,
so the sodium intake recommendations listed on this page should be taken
with a grain of salt. Furthermore, anyone whose heart is really making
crunchy noises should contact his/her doctor at his/her earliest convenience.
This page best viewed with a rubber chicken.